Sometimes I think I’m too nice of a person, sometimes I realize that I can be really selfish. I try my best to see things from other peoples perspectives and be open minded and I try not to judge. A lot of times I think I’m way too emotional but others I think maybe I should be a little more in touch with my feelings. I cry often – when I’m mad, sad or just plain agitated …but I am terrible with confrontation and hate expressing my feelings. I hate feeling vulnerable. I hate feeling weak. I hate being taken advantage of and I hate myself for allowing it to happen. I try hard to be someone ppl could look up to, ppl would enjoy having a conversation with, someone who will be memorable even after I die and won’t be just another pretty face. I want to see my funeral. I want to see who shows up, who has nice things to say, who has terrible things to say. Who sheds tears and claims we we were the best of friends when we barely exchanged more than 2 words. Who will remember me and who will forget as soon as the funeral is done. Who’s hearts I will thrive in and who’s minds I will have left an impression. Who truly cared about me and truly mourn my loss and who wishes I were still around. People are strange and amazing creatures. So many different personalities and cultures and backgrounds. So many different morals, ethics and values. Each person is an individual no matter how many categories they fall into. So many ignorant and close minded individuals who do not wish to strive for better. Who do not strive to learn more and to grow more. Who are stuck in their ways and have a one track mind. So many individuals who are intelligent, determined and have a thirst for knowledge. Who either have something to bring to the table or search for something to bring. People who love life and understand that you cannot simply exist, you must live it. People who understand the difference between opinion and fact. Dreams and goals. The idea of success and the roller coaster ride that it actually is. Determination and just taking whatever life gives you. People are human and will inevitably make mistakes. But although we all on some level understand this, we criticize ourselves and others for being imperfect, for making mistakes, for not being all knowing. We disown, break up, pull away from people who make mistakes, although we ourselves make mistakes. Constantly. Although we know that we learn from these mistakes, we criticize others for being just as human as we are. The act of forgiveness and understanding is hard. It’s a difficult concept to comprehend and even if it is understood, things are always easier said than done. Even if you come to realize that forgiveness is not about the other person. That It’s not about the wrong they’ve done to you. When you realize It’s about you, and when you realize holding a grudge is doing more damage to yourself than the individual. When you realize it’s about a bigger picture, a higher being- when you realize it’s about God and your faith. If God can forgive us for all sins no matter how big or small, and all sin is considered equal, why can’t we forgive each other? Why can’t we realize that it takes more energy to be angry than to forgive? That life is short and we must treat every day like it’s our last. That people come into our lives for a reason and at some point you will need those people. That at one point you will need someone who won’t give up on you or have encountered someone who didn’t give up on you, so why did you give up on them? Because in society, things are easier said than done. It it easier to give up on something or someone because you’re not willing to fight. Because fighting would mean working harder to keep your job. Working harder to keep your significant other, to save your marriage, to keep your children in your life. Fighting would mean having to ride the never ending bumpy ride that is life instead of taking the easy way out and ending your existence. Fighting means having to put in time and effort into the people and the things you care about so you don’t lose them. So you don’t lose yourself. It’s so easy to lose yourself in this world. To lose sight of what’s important. To realize what is a necessity and what is a luxury. To decide what is really valuable to you and what you would really miss if it was gone forever. It is easy to lose yourself trying to conform to society’s standards and expectations. Trying to stand out and be an individual. You can lose yourself on your journey of finding yourself, seeing who you really are, what it is you really want out of life. You can lose sight of your faith and start to question things you never could fathom thinking before. People are strange and amazing creatures. Life is more than just the state you live in. More than the country you reside in. There is a whole world out there waiting to be seen. New experiences to be had. New relationships to be made. New opportunities to take advantage of. The world is not black and white, there are 50 shades of gray with a broad spectrum in between. Awaiting you. Life’s best teacher is experience. Trial and error. So go out there and be the best student you can be, your future awaits.

Copyright 2014 Christiana Parisien