Tag: growing up

Mother’s Day 2018

They say that time heals all…
So why is it that after every turn I hit a brick wall?
Every time that I’m about to reach the finish line I stall…
Because how can I possibly walk when I can barely crawl?
The more time that passes the more I feel like I’m going to explode
The more I think of your memories, the bigger the burden, the heavier the load.
The more and more I wish I could hug you everyday and tell you how much I love you so.
The more I wish I could run away…as long as I have you by my side I’m good to go.
So many questions unasked, so many things left unsaid
I miss you so much it hurts, I’d almost rather be dead.
A heart bigger than anyone I know-
I couldn’t understand it then, but now more than ever, I see your legacy continues to grow
But see the older I get the more I feel that I’ve reached an all time low
I’ve had people tell me to “Get over it.”- but they’ve never had a parent leave at 12 years old to protect them… so what the _____ do they know?
I’ve thought so many times about what I’d say if I ever saw you again,
And I feel if I never get the opportunity to- my heart may never be able to mend.
The root of who I am is you
And I think that from the moment you pushed me out- you realized it too.
So many milestones I wished we could’ve shared
Some impossible to celebrate because I just couldn’t bear
I remember my 13th birthday like it was yesterday… man life just ain’t fair.
I question if I can ever again be whole
How can I ever really be myself if I can’t even play the role?
I want more than anything to be at peace,
And for you to know that my love and admiration for you will never cease.
I will never stop searching for you until the day we reunite
Because whether it’s on earth or in heaven I won’t give up without a fight.
Mon coeur,
Mon âme,
Mon amour,
Until we meet again I just want to say,
Je t’aime maman and Happy Mother’s Day
Forever in my heart and in my prayers will you stay.

Copyright 2018 Christiana Parisien

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Who is She

She looks in the mirror, wondering who the girl is she sees.
She examines all aspects of her imperfections and acknowledges none of her beauty.
She criticizes her life as she is deep in thought.
Thoughts about her physique have now evolved into thoughts about her soul, her mind.
She acknowledges her intelligence, she praises her accomplishments.
She gazes more intently at her reflection and begins to wonder.
What is she doing?
Where is she going?
Who is she?
She thinks back to her past, her childhood
A single tear as she begins to relive her memories.
Soon she cannot hold back any longer and she is crying.
She cries until she can no longer,
Carrying the weight of all the pain she’s had to bear
Wondering to herself, “why me?”
She takes a deep breath
She curses herself for being so emotional
For being unhappy with the person she is
For having come so far, to still have miles to go
For allowing herself to feel weak although deep down she knows she is strong
She digs deep inside herself and shuts her eyes.
She is strong.
She has overcome trials and tribulations and made it through situations she never thought she could
She has grown from a girl to a woman
She has become in an intellectual who strives to be an elitist
She has become someone she never thought she would and never thought she could
She opens her eyes staring once again at her reflection
Wishing she knew what to do
Who she was
How to be happy.
She stares at her reflection,
Wondering,
Who am I
Who is she
She is me.

Copyright 2014 Christiana Parisien

Posted on by Christiana 0