Tag: lost

Mother’s Day 2018

They say that time heals all…
So why is it that after every turn I hit a brick wall?
Every time that I’m about to reach the finish line I stall…
Because how can I possibly walk when I can barely crawl?
The more time that passes the more I feel like I’m going to explode
The more I think of your memories, the bigger the burden, the heavier the load.
The more and more I wish I could hug you everyday and tell you how much I love you so.
The more I wish I could run away…as long as I have you by my side I’m good to go.
So many questions unasked, so many things left unsaid
I miss you so much it hurts, I’d almost rather be dead.
A heart bigger than anyone I know-
I couldn’t understand it then, but now more than ever, I see your legacy continues to grow
But see the older I get the more I feel that I’ve reached an all time low
I’ve had people tell me to “Get over it.”- but they’ve never had a parent leave at 12 years old to protect them… so what the _____ do they know?
I’ve thought so many times about what I’d say if I ever saw you again,
And I feel if I never get the opportunity to- my heart may never be able to mend.
The root of who I am is you
And I think that from the moment you pushed me out- you realized it too.
So many milestones I wished we could’ve shared
Some impossible to celebrate because I just couldn’t bear
I remember my 13th birthday like it was yesterday… man life just ain’t fair.
I question if I can ever again be whole
How can I ever really be myself if I can’t even play the role?
I want more than anything to be at peace,
And for you to know that my love and admiration for you will never cease.
I will never stop searching for you until the day we reunite
Because whether it’s on earth or in heaven I won’t give up without a fight.
Mon coeur,
Mon âme,
Mon amour,
Until we meet again I just want to say,
Je t’aime maman and Happy Mother’s Day
Forever in my heart and in my prayers will you stay.

Copyright 2018 Christiana Parisien

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Lost Chronicles

It’s so easy to get lost in this world. To be consumed by the material things and to let life’s troubles eat you alive. To lose yourself because you feel as though you’ve given so much to one person, you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be yourself. Love is unrequited. It’s patient, kind, doesn’t boast and it isn’t proud. It’s everything in this world and without it we would have nothing.

Love begins with family, the love from our parents, our siblings, aunts, cousins and even those who we’ve come to accept as family. That is the foundation for how we see ourselves and how we learn to love other people. With each relationship that transpires we learn lessons, but we also bring baggage, hurt, a newfound understanding of the person we want to be with. It’s not always easy to forget the past. To forget the hurt, or the infidelities or things we’ve done. We get defensive and closed off. Not wanting to love fully. Not wanting to open up to one person fully. For fear of being hurt or taken advantage of. Hurting them before they can hurt you. Leaving them before they have the chance to leave you. Self sabotaging so that you expedite “the inevitable”. Because YOU are the most important person to you, so you have to look out for yourself because no one’s got you like you got you…right?

Or are you just creating self fulfilling prophecies? Are you just overthinking and creating scenarios that don’t really exist? Are you missing out on what could be something amazing, maybe the best you’ve ever experienced, because you’re scared? Afraid to love again, to trust again, to be happy again. To work hard and fight instead of taking the easy route. Leaving is easy, staying is the hard part.

You can get lost without you even realizing it and it’s so simple to just accept it, to let it happen and continue down the rabbit hole. Finding your way back is a roller coaster ride, a maze that seems to never end. But once you’ve looked deep inside yourself, you see a true reflection of your soul. You see things more clearly and learn that you are not perfect, and learn to accept all your flaws. Take every experience as a lesson and a piece to the puzzle. Learn that everyone will lose who they are, before finding out who they are truly meant to be. And each time you come back a much stronger, wiser and even better version of yourself.

Copyright 2015 Christiana Parisien

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