Tag: love

Lost Chronicles

It’s so easy to get lost in this world. To be consumed by the material things and to let life’s troubles eat you alive. To lose yourself because you feel as though you’ve given so much to one person, you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be yourself. Love is unrequited. It’s patient, kind, doesn’t boast and it isn’t proud. It’s everything in this world and without it we would have nothing.

Love begins with family, the love from our parents, our siblings, aunts, cousins and even those who we’ve come to accept as family. That is the foundation for how we see ourselves and how we learn to love other people. With each relationship that transpires we learn lessons, but we also bring baggage, hurt, a newfound understanding of the person we want to be with. It’s not always easy to forget the past. To forget the hurt, or the infidelities or things we’ve done. We get defensive and closed off. Not wanting to love fully. Not wanting to open up to one person fully. For fear of being hurt or taken advantage of. Hurting them before they can hurt you. Leaving them before they have the chance to leave you. Self sabotaging so that you expedite “the inevitable”. Because YOU are the most important person to you, so you have to look out for yourself because no one’s got you like you got you…right?

Or are you just creating self fulfilling prophecies? Are you just overthinking and creating scenarios that don’t really exist? Are you missing out on what could be something amazing, maybe the best you’ve ever experienced, because you’re scared? Afraid to love again, to trust again, to be happy again. To work hard and fight instead of taking the easy route. Leaving is easy, staying is the hard part.

You can get lost without you even realizing it and it’s so simple to just accept it, to let it happen and continue down the rabbit hole. Finding your way back is a roller coaster ride, a maze that seems to never end. But once you’ve looked deep inside yourself, you see a true reflection of your soul. You see things more clearly and learn that you are not perfect, and learn to accept all your flaws. Take every experience as a lesson and a piece to the puzzle. Learn that everyone will lose who they are, before finding out who they are truly meant to be. And each time you come back a much stronger, wiser and even better version of yourself.

Copyright 2015 Christiana Parisien

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That 4 Letter Word

When I fall, I fall hard, and I love even harder…

Love is simple and complicated all in the same respect. It’s so simple to fall for someone. Falling in love is the easy part, everything else that surrounds that is what becomes complicated. Falling for someone who may not feel the same or is emotionally unavailable, is what makes it difficult. When the honeymoon stage starts to pass and the bliss has died down, that’s what makes it hard. You start to see the person for who they truly are, flaws and all. Start to recognize each other’s differences. Relationships are a full time job, you invest your time, feelings and even money into someone else, in hopes that in the end it will have been well spent. The issue lies when loyalty comes into question, when people commit to someone before they’re ready, when people rather give up than make their relationship work. Falling in love is easy, working it out is the challenge.
Relationships shouldn’t be 50/50, because they don’t hold a numerical value. Everyone loves differently and how they express their feelings varies. As long as you’re putting your best foot forward, giving it 100 percent, that’s really all that matters. If things don’t work out, at least you can walk away saying you were the best significant other you could possibly be.
“If it’s meant to be, it will be.” How can you ever really know if it was meant to be? Do you wait for a sign? We are all on that quest for “The one”. The person who is our better half and who we can see a future with. What if that person has been there all along and you have no idea? You never really know, you just have to go with the flow and trust your instincts.
Love is tricky. You make yourself vulnerable, allowing someone to have a part of you that’s sacred, physically and emotionally. It’s not always easy committing to someone because of that apprehension, that fear of getting hurt again, the thought of starting all over with someone new. But when you do give it a chance, allow someone in, it can be one of the best feelings in the world. Love is a gamble, a chance you take, but having someone to confide in, build with, and create memories with can make it all worthwhile.
One of the most important things to remember is to never lose yourself. Never forget who you were before you were with that person, never conform to their standards just to make them happy, and never settle for less than what you deserve. Know your worth. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. How can someone fully appreciate you, if you cannot see the beauty that lies within?
Change is inevitable. People change such as the seasons do and both you and your partner will grow and evolve together. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst. People grow apart and some grow closer as time passes, that’s life. Just don’t lose sight of you, your goals, and your dreams to be with that one person.
Compromise-the magic word. People are individuals and you are not always going to see eye to eye with the person you are with. Relationships are meant to be a partnership, not a dictatorship and communication is key. Try to see what the person is saying from their perspective, would you be upset if you’re significant other said that to you? Would you have reacted the same way they did? Pick and choose your battles. It’s not always worth the fight and winning an argument shouldn’t mean the end of a relationship.
Pride gets in the way of so many things. It will keep you from expressing how you truly feel about someone, until it is too late and someone else has already taken your place. It will keep you from admitting fault, even if you know you’re the one in the wrong. It can even make you lose someone because you weren’t willing to make that compromise, or be the bigger person. Pride costs nothing but it CAN cost you everything. Don’t let it.
That four letter word called love. Something so simplistic yet complex. An oxymoron within itself. Yet something we’ve come to understand as a necessity. There is no right or wrong way to love. Support one another, compromise, and put your pride aside. Make it your mission to make each other happy without losing sight of yourselves as individuals.

LOVE

Copyright 2015 Christiana Parisien

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The Best/Worst Night of My Life

Quickly looking left then right, she slowly makes her way across the street. Her breath visible in the cold night air as she tries to keep her breathing steady. She makes her way to the black, unmarked vehicle and gets in the passenger seat where the driver awaits…

Christie sits alone in her bedroom, headphones blaring, listening to music on her iPod. She sneaks a glance at the calendar on the wall and sighs. An “X” marks the current date as September 28th. Checking her phone for the umpteenth time that night, her heart begins to race when she sees an unread message. Anxiety turns to apprehension when she sees it is from an anonymous number and inhales sharply. The text reads “Meet me outside in five minutes”.
The time stamp of the message read 12:55 AM and it was now 12:57. Taking a deep breath as to not panic, Christie slowly tiptoes her way across the hall to her parents’ bedroom. Opening the door slightly, she pokes her head into the crack. Both parents were fast asleep. Slowly closing the bedroom door, she makes her way back to her room. As quickly as her nerves will allow, she throws on a black hoodie and sneakers, and arranges pillows on her bed to make it look as though someone is sleeping under the covers. Locking her bedroom door, she hesitates before grabbing her phone and climbing out the window.
Cutting across her backyard, she quickly looks left then right and slowly makes her way across the street as to not look suspicious. She can see her breath in the cold night air as she tries to keep her breathing steady. She then makes her way to the black, unmarked vehicle and gets in the passenger seat where her driver awaits.
Once inside, she hears a click. All the doors have been locked automatically. As soon as she is seated, she can see the driver is a man wearing a black ski mask, and black hoodie. Before Christie can react to anything, the man slowly begins to pull something from his pants pocket. He stops halfway and puts an index finger to his lips as to indicate the need for her silence. Hyperventilating, she shuts her eyes as tears stream down her face.
Christie still has her eyes shut when she feels something cold and rough on her eyes and being tied behind her head. A blindfold. She then feels a seatbelt being put over her body. Now shivering, she has barely noticed that the car has started and is now moving. With each turn, Christie clutches her seat more tightly than the last. Her knuckles turning white, and her hands becoming numb. The car comes to a sudden stop. The engine is shut off. Christie’s breathing once again picks up pace.
The driver gets out of the car and walks over to the passenger’s side opening the door for her. Unbuckling Christie’s seatbelt, he guides her out of the car gently. Still breathing rapidly, Christie feels herself being guided with a hand on her back. A door slams shut behind them. The driver removes the blindfold and but not before ensuring she will remain quiet and not try to run. Taking a look around she can see that they are in what looks like an abandoned warehouse. Slowly removing his gloves, one finger at a time, the man then removes his hood and lastly his ski mask. Christie gasps and claps her hand over her mouth.
He then reaches into his pocket and removes a small black box. As the look of shock slowly subsides from Christie’s face, it is replaced with a look of confusion. As slowly and swiftly as the man pulled out the black box, he then drops down to one knee and opens it. She gasps as the box reveals a ten carat diamond ring.
A smile creeps onto Christie’s face and before the man can say anything she leaps into his arms as he stands to embrace her. He places the ring on her finger and pulls out his phone with the calendar app open. On the date marked September 28th, there is a note that reads, “Happy Anniversary Love”.

Copyright 2015 Christiana Parisien

Posted on by Christiana 1

Blank Page

Staring at this blank page, there are so many things I want to say, so much on my mind. My thoughts always seem to be running a marathon in my head.
I overthink everything and underestimate nothing.
Life comes at you fast, you just never know what could come of it.
I look back to 2 years ago and see how much I’ve changed, how much I’ve grown. Because the only constant in life is change. It’s funny isn’t it? When we’re kids all we want is to be adults and vice versa. When you’re 18 you think you know it all. You’re legally an adult so you must know all the world has to offer. It’s actually just the beginning. It’s when you really start to see the world, the real world. So many opportunities that await and so many people left to meet. The older you get, the more you realize how life is short, life is unfair and life is what you make it. You’ll lose people that you love without any good reason, sometimes without closure. You’ll always wonder why, or what if, or why me? They’ll always be better, always be more, but you have to love yourself and appreciate the things and people that are in your life now.
If there was one thing you could go back and change what would it be? I bet a major life changing event, loss, or regret comes to mind. We all wish we could change something about our past, fix that mistake we made, trade places with that loved one. I know I sure do, just being able to say goodbye, say I love you too…instead of the careless reaction of that last moment. What I wouldn’t give to have that. Man I’d give ANYTHING.
The truth is, our experiences make us who we are but it damn sure doesn’t make it hurt any less, make you miss the person any less, make you wonder why you didn’t cherish the time you had with them when you had the chance.
Life is funny, the way things work themselves out. The way things will happen and have you questioning your faith because you can’t fathom why it had to happen, and in the same sense some things can have you thanking God because it’s so unbelievable. What is life about really?

Love. Such a powerful entity. Something that has the power to uplift and break you down all in one. Something so amazing yet so scary.

Heartbreak. Anyone who’s experienced true heartbreak knows how painful it can be. It will make you question whether you ever want to love again. It will affect you in more ways than one, give you a different outlook on life, a new perspective.

Money. Because it makes the world go round right? You work your whole life to achieve stability and may even have to put your dreams on hold just to make a decent living.

Family and friends. They say blood is thicker than water and truth be told sometimes nobody has your back like family. Sometimes family is all someone has, all they know. And sometimes, friends can be more of a family to you than your own flesh and blood, can hold hold you down like no other.

Life…interesting isn’t it? So many lessons learned, yet so many things left to figure out. Even when you think you’ve got it all figured out, life will throw you a curveball and make you question everything all over again. Then you look back and see what those curveballs have shown you. How they have helped you to grow and how you wouldn’t be where you are today without them.
Staring at this page, I see it is no longer blank. Guess I’ve said all I’ve had to say, for now.

Copyright 2015 Christiana Parisien

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