Where do I begin? When does it end? Endless hurt and heartbreak I’m so far gone, my heart may never be able to mend.
I have a huge heart when it comes to those that I love
And when they abandon me I start to question the Lord up above
I know I’m not perfect, and I’m constantly trying to do better, to be better
But tears threaten to fall, as my thoughts come to life in this letter
You see I want nothing more than to be the woman I’m destined to be
I’ve been through hell and back and have overcome so many adversities
I look in the mirror and see a beautiful, intelligent, overachiever
Someone who doesn’t see failure as an option, a true believer
In all things positive when things are going well
But as soon as things hit rock bottom I feel trapped, as if stuck in a solitary confinement cell
My image becomes distorted and my past comes back to haunt me
It all goes back to that one faithful day you see
All I can think is mommy where’d you go, I thought we had a special connection…didn’t we?
Dad you weren’t around what can I say?
It’s been too long, so much was left unsaid – I had no choice but to keep you at bay
Now when I search for answers I’m always lost
When I try to figure things out, it’s always too late, never without a cost
Never without losing the ones I love and care for so much
Me myself and I, is who I can depend on I’ve learned to be my own crutch
I know all my strengths and my weaknesses I embrace
Only I have the power to change the things I don’t like, and my faults I must face
Life is a never ending journey and I’m in the drivers seat
With each accident along the way a part of me is lost, and all I’m left with is defeat
Never made completely whole again, never fully recovered
Only a small part of me discovered
The rest of me left uncovered
It always comes back the same
My thoughts threatening to drive me insane
Why can’t I figure it out, what’s wrong with me?
All I want is to be happy, to be set free
From all my demons of the past and to make peace internally
But still I drive and continue on life’s highway
Praying that each passing mile doesn’t lead me further astray
With no map, no guidance all I can do is take it day by day
Building my strength as I go, maybe eventually…I’ll learn to be okay.

Copyright 2016 Christiana Parisien